July 20, 2009

he's in the hospital. and I want him to come home.


It's unbelievably weird to go to the hospital pregnant and then leave without a baby. That's what we've been doing for the past few days since B was born. They decided he needed to stay in the NICU for a 7 day course of antibiotics (maybe he has pneumonia?) so we've been coming and going each day to be with him, sleep, and pack for the move next week. Pumping has been real fun let me tell you. Not being able to hold him for the first three days was another fun thing. Nope, nothing is fun about any of this. But now we're grown ups and we have to deal with things we don't love because they're what's best for our boy. I keep wishing the doctors will just say, "He seems perfect today! Take him home. NOW!" It breaks my heart to leave him in that little box at the end of each day. I never, never, never thought it would feel like this to be a mom. Constant worry, crying all the time, complete exhaustion; he's worth it but it's so hard.