May 31, 2013

the one where she goes on and on about hair

hairz thru the years + my parents got a Mac with photobooth when I was a teenager so ...

When I went to high school it was the era of big black boots, long brown hair and I made that my motto. I grew my hair out extra long, flipped it around all day, dyed it all the time, and trimmed off my split ends during science and math class (not weird, compulsive, or rude at all).

Community college came next (years 16-18) and I decided to be above it all (riiight) and hack it off (influenced I'm sure by Rory's big Yale cut, I'm never above the Gilmores) and donate it to Locks of Love. Off went 12 inches!! And with it, my identity. (Never dramatic, never ever.) I cut it to my shoulders but you would've thought I'd gone full Britney. Calculating how long it'd take to grow back. Sobbing into my pillow at night a la Jo March. It didn't help that a lot of people responded with, "You cut your hair?! But it was so pretty before!" but still.

Off I went to BYU. College was a time of avoiding real cuts while summoning all the dye (blonde in the summer, dark in the fall for yearsss). Toph met a highlighted blonde, dated a brunette, proposed to a black haired crazypants, and married an almost platinum blonde (all me, get it?).

 A couple years later and pregnant with Bronson, I decided to be real mature and cut off a foot of hair again. I took in a picture of Gwyneth's blonde bob for reference (do hair dressers hate when you do that?) and really liked the outcome. A few months later I tried to go brunette + get the same cut but I screwed up the color and the hairdresser messed up the cut. As the pregnancy progressed, my face got chunkier and chunkier til I was this faded, short haired, brunette, Shrek look alike. I hated everything about myself and my hair was up there. I grew it back out and left the color alone.

 As I was losing the pregnancy weight and beginning the feel more like myself, my hair started to fall out (post partum is the biggest joke on this planet) so I hit the hair dye bottle hard and found solace in highlights. A few years later, ombre became a legit thing so I cooled it on the highlights and started getting just the ends of my hair colored. Easy to maintain and I loved the look.

After a while I got pregnant again and decided to let my hair grow the whole pregnancy and leave the dye alone (they say making drastic hair changes while pregnant is a bad idea and by then I knew they were right). By the time Everly was born my hair was 25 inches long again (because everybody measures their hair ... ) and I was loving it! When I curled it, or washed it, or took it out of the knot I kept it in all the time ... so basically never. I crossed my fingers it wouldn't fall out again but my fingers are broken and it started to come out even worse than last time. Sad day. (And oh the split ends. Oy!)

I started looking through the hair section on Pinterest and was drawn to the shorter cuts every time, "She looks awesome! But I could never cut my hair that short." I'd reason. I started asking people how they got the guts to cut their hair. Why did it make me so nervous??

One day I was mulling it over with Bronson:
"I'm thinking about cutting a lot of my hair off, what do you think?"
"Don't do it mommy! Pretty girls have long hair!"


"Bronson, Everly has short hair. Is she pretty?"
"Oh. Yes!"
"Grandma has short hair. Is she pretty?"
"And you know what? Girls can be lots of things besides pretty."
"Like what?"
"They can be smart and funny and adventurous and courageous and nice and interesting and super and - "
"I think you should cut your hair, mommy."

So I set up the appointment, went in and .... wimped out. I'd planned to go 17-ish inches shorter but as the scissors neared my ponytail, I kinda freaked and went with a "safe" shoulder length bob (I cut off 13).

I absolutely loved it!! (Especially freshly styled!^) But was kinda bummed that I didn't go through with my original plan. I tried to live with the knowledge that I'd be that girl on ANTM who freaks out at makeover time and then made another appointment a month later.

Which brings us to today:

This is the shortest hair I've ever had (duh) and I've never felt more feminine! Hair's just hair but it really does have so much sway over how I feel about myself. I've always considered the ability to grow my hair really long, fairly quickly as this like, life skill or something. (I could maybe use more (real) life skills.)

We'll see how long I can keep it shorter (haircuts cost money and take time, what?!) but I'm really digging it and I kinda feel like I want to wear a bomber jacket and floral skirt daily. Or red lipstick and a head scarf, Rosie the Riveter style.
Have I mentioned I love it?? :)

PS: This post isn't a survey asking what style looks the best in anyone's opinion. It's mostly just the longest way ever to say, "I cut my hair! It makes me feel brave and awesome right now!!" Insert another smiley face.